Friday, August 15, 2008

Fuck HomebrewTube

MR. BLACK
I'm sure you have at some point went to YouTube to search a newly released movie trailer or to see if the new video for your favorite band's single is out. If you have, you're probably familiar with the mountain of fan-edited shit you have to dig through. I hate clicking on what seems to be a promising video only to find a band's new song played to some poorly edited rerun of Prison Break or something. Who wants to watch that shit? No one cares if you can use fucking Windows Movie Maker or iMovie to splice together some second rate tv show to the latest radio hit.

What makes this whole thing worse, is that they are usually preceded with some bad graphic advertising who made the piece. And it usually looks something like the image to the right as masterfully rendered by Mr. White.

Now don't get me wrong, I love YouTube and how it allows many creative people out there to get their stuff seen, but come on guys, no one cares that you can edit. No one cares that your favorite show is Ugly Betty themed with the latest single from Nickleback. Really, I promise you.
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MR. WHITE
Come now Mr. Black, surely you cannot dismiss the obvious genius of these internet savants so easily. Well actually, yes, you can.

To add insult to injury I was met with an alarming revelation about this annoying epidemic. As I was going through some old home made videos I came across something of great nostalgic value, my 8th birthday party. Instantly an inner light flared to life with an idea. I quickly picked up the phone to dial directory assistance.

"Directory assistance, how may I direct your call?"

"Yes, I'd like the number for Condemned Society Productions please."

"I'm sorry sir but I show no such listing."

"Surely you jest, I just saw their mind blowing rendition of the Ghost Whisperer with an incredibly well dubbed mix of Fergies "Clumsy" on Youtube. I'm sure you know the one I mean."

"I'm sorry sir but I don't see them listed."

Well needless to say I was shocked. How could someone so talented slip past America's radar??

Seriously though, what the fuck are these YouTards thinking? Wow I just mind fucked someone? Take my advice YouTards, at least do something entertaining like sending in your shitty audition tape to Big Brother.
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MR. BLACK
Well put, Mr. White. But while I give you points on your continued theme of fictional narratives to prove your point (this one probably being the funniest), you did mention something that I completely forgot about. The last two words of your post, in fact.

Big Brother.

You see, while Mr. White and myself do share quite a few interests, the show Big Brother is not one of them.

I remember when you first mentioned to me that you watched it. Not just casually, mind you. You'd go to your mother-in-law's house fairly religiously each week to watch this monster pile of shit. And I use the term "monster pile of shit" not only to describe what I think of the show, but to describe what I almost took in my pants when you told me.

Now, like I said, we have our differences, but this is probably one of the LAMEST pieces of reality television you could watch. I'd even prefer you to watch Nashville Star to that....

....

...wait maybe not. But COME ON MAN this is the bottom of the barrel. This is worse than the Real World or that show where that ancient spider monkey has-been rapper tries to hook up with the loosest women on earth (and I use that term both literally and figuratively). Sure we have our differences and I respect most of them, but this is just too much. Please, stop allowing these turds of society to make a living off just fucking LIVING IN A HOUSE. These fucks should be working at McDonald's or digging holes or some such shit.

Ok I'm done.
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MR. WHITE
Well, well, well, Mr. Black, you magnificent shit-cock. I see the gloves are off. First let me just say that yes, I did in fact watch Big Brother and Yes I did like it. So what. I watched one season which was over a year ago and have not revisited the show since. And you're wrong about Big Brother being the lowest you can go. That award goes to American Idol which a certain someone seemed to know quite a bit about as I recall. Yes I believe you watched a few episodes because I remember a conversation about how you liked Chris Daughtry. But I'm sure you only knew about him through talk you no doubt overheard.

But thank you Mr. Black for derailing my post towards the Mr. Black Comedy Hour you narcissistic cum balloon.

We now bring you your regularly scheduled program.
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MR. BLACK
Well, well, well, WELL Mr. White, I thought that would get your McButter fingers going on the keyboard. I do commend you on the last insult. "Narcissistic cum balloon"was very visual to say the least. And yes, I do admit to making a comment about thinking Chris Daughtry had a good voice when he was competing on American Idol (good god, just reading that makes my balls retract into my gut), BUT I do not like his personal music. Sure the guy can sing, but his album sucks and I say that with all honestly.

Let's get one thing straight though. I did not and have never watched American Idol regularly. Man I think by trying to defend myself I'm just looking more and more like a ......magnificent shit-cock. I better stop now.

1 comment:

Dr. Squid said...

For those keeping score, it was revealed in the above post that Mr. White is actually a giant douchebag! Big Brother? Come on. Respect for Mr. Douchebag just dropped to -1 (it was already at 0).

But...I have to call bullshit on Mr. Black as well. I'm sorry but we all know you did indeed watch at least one episode of American Idol if you were able to comment on a pre-album Daughtry. And by the way, ANY positive comment about Daughtry (like the fact that he has a good voice) makes you undeniably gay.

Major props on the trash talking and Mr. White's use of colorful metaphors and analogies; this is when your blog is at its best in my opinion.