Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Mmm....Apples Crisps are good


MR. BLACK
So apparently Tuesday night at about 10pm Steve Jobs' flaming ego finally caught his building on fire. Yep, great news indeed. Apparently, no one got hurt and a damn shame. The world could all do with a few less little shiny Apple sheep.

But Mr. Black, why do you hate Apple so much? Honestly, come to think of it, it's not Apple I really hate, but all the hardcore Apple fans out there. It could be that at the agency I work at I am surrounded by them, so with every work day my hatred grows.

From the parking lot to my desk I am attacked by pro-Apple bullshit paraphernalia. I swear almost every goddamn car has an Apple logo on their rear window. They have fucking Apple shirts, fucking Apple coffee mugs, and every time I see their little white ear buds pumping shitty music into their ears from their overrated mp3 players it makes me want to puke. Apple is basically God to them. I'm sure if Steve Jobs walked into our office there would be a mob of Apple sheep fighting over who would be the first to suck his shiny Apple-tipped cock.

It's funny, for every ipod that breaks, or every iphone touchscreen that breaks, or even for every Mac workstation that craps out no one says a word. Apple is still a company that can do no harm.

Oh well. While my co-worker returns his brand new $4000 Mac that had a broken logic chip within the first three weeks (true story) I'll be laughing because I guess I'm the only one who isn't blinded by a fucking fruit logo.

P.S. Don't worry, this won't be the last Apple rant.

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MR. WHITE


I can just see the new commercial now:

"Hi I'm a Mac"

Mac looks left awaiting the intro from his counterpart PC only to find PC is nowhere in sight. Mac pans around with confused look on his stupid emo face. Suddenly we see PC walk out with some electrical tape, a can of gasoline and zippo with a Micrsoft logo engraved on it.

"Hey there PC. What are you doing buddy"? Mac inquires in a nervous voice. PC doesn't respond but simply smiles while he proceeds to hog tie Mac and douse him with gas. He then slowly flips open the zippo and lites Mac up like a Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center. Mac pleads for PC to douse the flames. PC then whips out his dick and promptly urinates on the flaming corpse of Apple dung that is Justin Long.

End of commercial.

And before all you Apple turds whine about this let me just say that yes, both Mr. Black and I have used the inferior machine and yes we still think its just a shiny turd covered in caramel sauce.

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MR. BLACK
Exactly, we have both used them before and all I can find they are superior at is not being able to run my games and most of the programs I use. And yes, I know they can now run Vista, but who would want to reboot every time they wanted to use a OS-specific piece of software? And to top it off, they are severely overpriced for what you get hardware-wise. I think I'll stick to building my own.

And, no, as much as everyone probably thinks we are Microsoft fanboys, that is not the case. You won't see a Windows sticker on my car's rear window, won't see me with a Windows t-shirt, and won't see me with a Windows coffee mug. That's what constitutes a fanboy, someone who eats, sleeps and fucks a brand.

Oh and yes I run Vista-64 with NO problems you fucking fucks.

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