Thursday, August 14, 2008

Leave a message....if you can.


Remember the days when leaving a message was a simple task of speaking after the beep? I long for those days for now I have to sit through a winded explanation of how to use a phone and what to do when I'm done using said phone. And not only am I treated like a fucking retard but I have to listen to some uppity bitch who sounds like she's long over due for a fat cock. I'd like to hear her after that.

*Uppity bitch* "ahhh just leave a fucking message, I'm busy".

But no instead here's what you get:

"Record your message after the tone. To send a numeric page, press 5. When you finish recording, hang up or for delivery options, press pound. After pressing pound if you're feeling hungry make some lunch. To make lunch please walk to the kitchen. When you find the kitchen you may choose from a variety of foods. If you are allergic to some foods, don't eat them".

Now I know I added some there at the end but for the love of god why does it have to be so long? What if I'm being attacked by someone (perhaps some angry apple loving fag who didn't like what i had to say about there hollow existence) and before I can leave a message for Mr. Black to come and save me I get killed? And all because of Uppity bitch.

I'm sure some of you might be saying "well, Mr. White it's really not that long". And of course my response to that would be fuck you. I'm not a goddamn retard, I know how to use a phone. So I would like to thank all the fucks out there who are retards and need to be lead by the hand at every turn in life. Thank fucking you.

Begin typing your comment after reading. When you are finished you may close out the browser and search for something new or power down and take a nap.
Damn dude, and here I thought I was supposed to be the negative one with all the "fucks." But you do bring up a good point, and while it is annoying, I don't think it pisses me off as much as it pisses you off. Usually all it does is make me not leave a message.

What I do hate (but isn't around as much anymore) are the "Please enjoy this shitty top 40 piece of shit song while your party is being reached." Ironically, it's usually the people who like the worst mainstream crap who do this. I would much rather listen to nothing than to hear what you think I'm going to like to listen to while I wait for your ass to pick up the phone.

And come to think of it, I'm making a new rule for myself today. Any time I call ANYONE who has a stupid fucking song playing as hold music on their cell phones will never hear from me again because you're probably a worthless fuck who votes for American Idol, wears white sunglasses, says "Bro," and goes to church every Sunday to get on their knees and mumble meaningless gibberish to some imaginary invisible entity that apparently has nothing better to do than listen to your life's fickle problems (but more on that later ;)).


Shawn said...

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"Prepare to get fucked by the long dick of the law!"

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Dark Swan said...

I TOTALLY agree with you Mr. White.
I am a receptionist & make a lot of calls in a day, & I can't tell you how annoying those long ass message thingys are when you have to leave 30 messages in a day & each call takes you half a fuckin hour each. Not to mention the fact that I don't know one gawd damn person who doesn't know what to do once they hear that beep. Or after they have finished leaving their message they sit there holding the phone up to their ear with a blank stare, thinking "shit, I don't know what to do now".
Thanks for bringing it up, cause I thought I was the only person who it bugged the shit out of.

bkelley said...
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