Monday, August 18, 2008

Tat's the Dumbest Thing I've Ever Heard

There's a funny irony in the idea that tattoos are a form of expressing ones individuality when half the worlds population is covered in them. I know that's not accurate but I also know that more and more people are following this trendy show of individuality every day.

I don't really care if people get tattooed, I just don't understand their motives behind it. whenever I've asked about it I've received a number of answers.

1. "It's a spiritual experience" (bullshit, and I don't mean that I just made that up)
2. "I want to express myself"
"I want to honor my Mothers' memory"
4. "I really love dolphins"

But no matter the reason, I still have yet to hear one that in my mind justifys treating your body like a coloring book. There are other alternatives to achieving the things listed above in a less permanent way.

I guess it might make more sense in places like prison where tattoos are more akin to cattle branding than expression. It might identify you as someones property or bitch as the case may be. Or it could also act as a warning sign to perhaps intimidate other inmates.

"Hey Carlos, don't fuck with that guy, he has Crazy Killer tattooed on his chest"!

Then of course there's the tattoo that labels you as being affiliated with a particular group.

"West side Vato Cholo Locos represent"!

The other thing I find amusing is when people get tattooed in a place no one including themselves can even see. That's like buying a painting and putting it in your closet. So why do it if nobody can see it?

Now I'm not going to cover too much on the subject as I want to leave a few things for Mr. Black to comment on but I would like to address one more thing.

Tattoos might look cool when you first get them but they never stand the test of time. How do you think you're going to look when you hit 70 and your happy face is now a sad anime character?

And no, that's not a photo of me....I have much more hair on my chest.
...and other than the chest hair, you've mentioned you have a very hotdog-esque physique from the profile, kind of like too much mystery meat crammed into a sausage skin ready to burst in a couple areas.

Now that I've ruined hotdogs for our viewers, I'll move on to the topic at hand. Mr. White has covered quite a few points that I agree with, I probably wouldn't have a problem with tattoos if they DID actually have some sort of meaning to them. But honestly, just because your dog finally passed away does that mean you have to have a permanent reminder etched into your skin for the rest of your life? Couldn't you get a fucking photo framed or something with a little enscription at the bottom? Something like "Barney was a great dog and will always be in our hearts. I'm sure glad I didn't get his fucking face tattooed on my back."

The people that are part of the tattoo sub-culture don't bother me either, they dive in head first to all that is piercable or inkable. Thats fine, thats who they are. It's the dumb fucks at the gym with their lame ass tribal tattoos, or women with butterflies stamped onto the back of their muffin-tops.

Thankfully, it's usually the girls no one wants to fuck anyway that adorn their body with this shit. And the guys that do want to stare at "hardcore" butterfly imagery when they are pounding that fat ass could usually pass for a carney or roadie. So ladies, if that's the class of guy you're looking for, then be my guest.

Usually when I see a girl with a tattoo I think "Yeah she's probably been hammered in all her holes while giving head." Is that the image you want to convey? Now I'm probably in the minority on this, but as Mr. White said, you will probably regret it when you get older. Once those hips start melting over the waistline of your jeans like butter left out in the sun you'll remember what I said here.
Mr. White
Wow Mr. Black, I think your hate for tattoos exceeds even my own. You know, you have a lot of're kind of negative...

1 comment:

dark swan said...

I love your blogs, you guys bring up excellent points, and never cease to make me guiltily laugh out loud.
However, I do have pity on "Mrs. Black" whomever she may be, for having to hear the angry "rantings" 24/7.