Thursday, September 2, 2010

Can You Smell What I'm Ranting?

Mr. White
I hate to admit this but there was a time in my youth when I actually watched and enjoyed WWF wrestling. This may or may not be due to the fact that the majority of my friends liked it and hey, I wasn't the sophisticate I am today... Back then the wrestlers were more iconic and had a sort of super hero-esque flare to their appearance.

Fast-forward to today and I'd rather rape myself in the ass with a broken bottle of Tabasco sauce. Mmm Tabasco....

Anyways, I believe I've made my point so you can image my disdain when I hear about up and coming movies like The Expendables who's cast includes the no talent shit cock Stone Cold Steve Austin. Fuck, just saying that retarded name makes me want to vomit diarrhea.

I hate that there are people who want to see wrestlers in movies. They don't bring any depth to the films and serve only as a means to fill seats with turds.

I think The Rock is the worst of them all. Talk about a confused man, is he a pretty boy or a tough guy? And I'm sorry but unless you're me you can't have both. And while The Rock may have more acting chops then Cold Stone.....I mean Stone Cold, I want to rip off his eyebrow every time he pulls his trademark look of douchery.

I'm sorry but I hate this trend of wrestlers/musicians making the transition to film. I suppose you could argue that wrestling is acting but I don't see Hulk Hogan winning any awards at the Oscars for best performance in a body-slam. It's just not the same thing.

Mr. Black
I hate to derail your post, Mr. White, but while wrestlers becoming movie stars isn't the greatest thing, they at least stay in a genre of film that pertains to their cro-magnon tendencies. While seeing them in "The Expendables" does kill the 80's vibe, they're at least suited for it.

What I hate is when rappers and singers decide they need to become actors. Now if every movie they were in were like "Friday" I wouldn't have a problem. But they invade film genre across the spectrum. From dramas, to action films, to horror films, you'll find the annoying-I-can't-act-jive-spewing-my-rap-name-probably-pertains-to-something-incredibly-stupid bastards ruining my experience. Hell, even when I see one of their goddamn names in the opening titles I cringe.
I mean when you're about to watch some sci-fi epic, the last thing I want to see in the opening titles is "featuring lil' m.c. babyjesusdawgilikebigjuicyblackasses."

And for anyone who brings up Will Smith aka The Fresh Prince, fuck you. That chimp looking bastard ruined two of my favorite classics: I,Robot and I Am Legend. And no he didn't write or direct it, but that fucker has Hollywood power and could have made something good, or decided to not be in it at all.

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Mr. White
You know I try to lay the tracks all nice and neat so my train of thought has somewhere to go. Then BAM! The Black Bandit comes creeping out of the shadows with his cape of mischief and evil curly-q mustache like some old silent film. He looks around twisting the curl of one side of his greasy black mustache as he snickers then proceeds to tie the infamous "damsel in distress to my well laid tracks. He hops away with a twirl of his cape and recedes back into the shadows to watch as the train rearranges the poor damsels molecules to shredded beef and high heels.

.....But you have a good point, I hate rappers in movies too....

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