Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Collective Soul + County Fair = Poop Town

Mr White
Now just to clarify, I do like Collective Soul, I just don't like county fairs. I used to enjoy them when I was a kid and they weren't exclusively honkey-tonk-wonderlands. And where I live the honkeys are so hardcore they're in HD so they really stand the fuck out.

So imagine you're eating you're favorite burger, lets just say it's a Monster burger from Firestone. The meat is juicy and the cheese is nice and melted. The bun gives your lips a warm kiss as you molest....take your first bite.

And then BAM! you're surrounded by hundreds of steaming piles of shit with beer breath.

Somehow that burger just doesn't taste as good now, does it.

As if it wasn't bad enough that one of my favorite bands have reduced themselves to appearing at the white-trash-oasis known as the Kern County Fair but I had my three year old son in tow.

It was like a sad dream, kind of like the one I had where David Gahan was an obese Elvis impersonator and forgot half the words to Personal Jesus. You're own...Personal...dee doo. Sad...

But it was a free concert so I tried to make the best of it while I sat elbow to elbow with my friendly neighborhood over-the-hill-hicks. I think someone forgot to tell them it wasn't a Hank Williams tour.

I'm not even sure how Ed managed to stay so energetic considering the crowed was as animated as dry cow shit in a windless desert. But you gotta give him credit for at least trying.

The crowed did finally get going when the band broke out with Shine. Yessir them boys everwhere done busted out their air geetars and started a play'n. It was a site to behold as I sat like a sweaty fish packed in box of Marlboros with melted chocolate cheese-cake on a stick in one and trying to fight off a three year old with another. Meanwhile Mrs. white jamed away with the rest of them oblivious to my rising anger. I'm sure Mr. Black knows me well enough that this mental picture is as good as being there himself. Laugh it up ass-monkey.

So was the music good? well...it was loud...and I think Dean fell asleep a few times. But hey, did I mention it was free?

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