Thursday, September 2, 2010

I Don't Need That Circus Shit


Mr. Black
Thank you Jason Alexander (in Shallow Hal) for so eloquently describing the weird as fuck condition known as Morton's Toe. Pictured right.

This is some fucked up shit. Seriously. Go climb a fucking tree barefoot.

Morton's Toe (I didn't know it actually had a term until I looked it up) is weird. Monkey-weird. Hell if there was any proof of evolution this is it. I don't need DNA evidence or fossil records. I mean just look at that monkey shit. Just look at that fucked up foot over there for a minute. Do it, soak that freak show shit in.

I'm sure by now Mr. White is fuming in his Hollister shirt with a sewn on design. I'm sure he'd love nothing more than to gouge my eyes out with his freaky demon toe. But I'm sure he'll respond soon.

In fact, I remember him telling me once that it is said people with the dreaded monkey-toe (or baby dick-toe) are good in bed. Now how do you figure? It sounds just like another excuse someone said sometime to make their disfigurement easier to live with. I mean what's next?
People with hammer toes are better conversationalists? Hammer toe is picture here in case you didn't know what it was.

If you read the wikipedia article, in some ancient cultures it was considered to be a quality of royalty. But as we know, ancient cultures were wrong about a whole lot of shit.

Another argument you may have is "Mr. Black, but the middle finger is longer than the index finger, so that relates to the toes." If that were true you would have a point, but unfortunately the big toe on the foot represents the thumb, which is much shorter than the index finger. Now you may ask, wouldn't that make the third toe longer than the rest? Hmm, possibly, but that wouldn't work very good for walking now would it dip shit?

If this weren't a disorder (don't worry it is) then it wouldn't cause things such as musculoskeletal dysfuction among other things. So just accept it freak show, you're a freak. Although you can probably climb a tree like a motherfucker.

So the next time someone tells you this is normal or it's a sign of royalty, you are now better informed and can correct them and tell them to keep their baby-dick toe to themselves, or just be nice and agree, you never know when you may need a coconut on short order.

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Mr. White
Rather than say something I might regret later I will congratulate Mr. Black on a well written post.

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