Where does the beard get its magic? Is it extraterrestrial? Do microscopic elves dwell within the hairy strands?
Why does my wife and son both get mad at me when I shave my beard? Why am I constantly followed by drooling women wanting to touch my beard and feed me guacamole?
It seems the beard is imbued with strange mystical properties which science cannot or will not explain.
Crazy? Take a look at this list of amazing people.
Guillermo Del Toro
Gladys Stillwell my 8th grade literature teacher
Gregory Arlen Fuhrman
Everyones favorite lighthouse attendant Zack Galifianakis
The list goes on and on.
But what about other great people who don't have beards you ask? Well sure Christopher Nolan's Inception was awesome but just think how much better it would have been if he bearded up.
Here now is some random chick with a little song about beards.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, that's not the one I wanted...
See? As we all know you cannot make ukuleles sound cool unless its about beards. Shit sorry I know that was retarded logic, I've been debating religion with Christians lately and I think it's rubbed off on me.
I think I smell a derail coming.