Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Ant-eaters, Turtlenecks, and Mushrooms (no this isn't a fairy tale)

Mr. Black
The town I live in is very conducive to outside activities, particularly cycling. Moderate climates, clean air, and low traffic. I don't mind cyclists much, hell I even ride my bike to work every day, the entire 50 yards. But what really bugs the hell out of me is why these guys need to gear up in their power ranger cut-offs to go to work. Is wind resistance really a problem when you're not in a race? The man pictured right is what I'm talking about. This guy has more wind resistance naked than I do wearing a parachute.

Okay, to be fair, this is an over exaggeration, but it's the best picture I could find when Googling "fat cyclist" and "fat man riding a bike." Most guys riding to work on their bikes aren't quite this large, but are definitely wearing the same kind of outfit. The only other place you'd see a get-up like this is at one of Mr. White's butter wrestling matches, or perhaps a "can you guess if I'm circumcised or not" party.

Just to be clear, I understand the benefit of wearing one of the tightest outfits you can wear--without being accused of enjoying a tea bag (not the earl grey kind)--while in a cycling race. Less wind resistance, keeps you cool, I get it. But on your 15 minute commute to work? Really? I don't want to see an ant-eater unless I'm at the zoo.

All I ask is keep the spandex in the closet unless you're either in a race or training for one. Please, everyone will thank you. Except Mr. White, I hear he likes warm bags of tea in his dark mug, a turtle neck for those cold nights, and of course, mushrooms on his pizza.

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Mr White.
I want to have a retort but I'm too confused.... What the hell are you talking about? Too much Louise has killed your brain cells.

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Mr. Black
Let me give you a few tips Mr. White. The period comes after "Mr" and it's LOUIE, not Louise. Maybe that's the problem, you think I'm watching some show about a woman named Louise. And perhaps Running Wilde has killed your punctuation.

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Mr. White
Shit I forgot about the invisible "E"... Touche you marvelous douche bag! It would seem the butter from my latest wrestling match has hindered my typing prowess.

And yes Running Wilde has killed my punctuation for how can I punctuate when I'm laughing so hard?

Goddamn it... and this happens after I give you shit for not editing yourself better. Touche indeed!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The main reason is that Lycra dries fast. In Texas, you're going to sweat on any commute more than a half mile, so it's nice to have stuff that will dry in a locker before it's time to ride home.