Sunday, October 31, 2010

Hide Your Children It's....Adam And Eve??

Mr. White
Well my favorite time of year is right around the corner so this last post for the week is dedicated to Halloween. Over the years I've been a number of strange things from a mummy made from torn bed sheets to Max Headrum. But I think that perhaps my shining moment was when I dressed up as a dead boyscout.

It's strange that on the one day of the year when we are given license to be a kid again and dress up as anything we want people will most often opt for the typical slutty witch/guy dressed as a beer can. I mean what says Halloween better than those two things right?

Instead of being creative like Mr. Black who recently fashioned his own costume based on the game Brutal Legend, people choose the less traditional approach ala the fags bellow.

Now I must admit (before Mr. Black points it out) that I have not always been creative myself. Last year I was Shaggy from Scooby Doo but that was more for my son and a lack of time than anything else. And I'm not saying you have to spend hours making your own costume because it's Halloween, it's supposed to be fun. However it wouldn't hurt to at least dress for the occasion. I can at least argue that Shaggy's profession is solving "spooky" mysteries that sometimes involve the classic monsters associated with Halloween right? Yeah OK so that's a stretch but you get my point. So I guess what I'm saying is that if you have to be a beer can then make it a scary beer that still doesn't work... I'll tell you what, if you can't think of anything to be this year then I'll make a list of all the scary things I can think of to get you started.

01. Joseph Smith (who's scarier than the founder of the Mormon church?)

02. An iligal alien. (Aliens are always good for a scare) Just learn how to say, "I've come for your job" in Spanish.

03. Steve Jobs (Anyone seen dressed as Steve Jobs must be shot on site, you have my permission).

04. This guy:

05. Or even a Jesus clown....fucks me up just thinking about it.

So before you walk out that door sunday night and head for your slut-fest keger, consider what I said and have a happy Halloween you fucking beer can you.

Mr. Black
I guess what I'm more disappointed about is that most people aren't anything remotely scary for Halloween anymore. Everyone is a Disney character or something even worse like these people:
Really? This is what Halloween has come to? What every happened to Zombies, the Wolfman, Dracula? Things with fangs, blood, and gore? Isn't that what Halloween is about? Dressing up as something scary, or at least in the remote vicinity? I know my Brutal Legend costume maybe not be monstrous in anyway, but there are demons, monsters, blood and fire in the game so I would consider that in the remote vicinity.

It seems to me that if Halloween was about the crap pictured then every Halloween tv channels would be playing crap like Van Wilder, Harold and Kumar, or Beerfest. And if you're the kind of person who thinks it's your only chance to dress up during the year, it's not. You can have a costume party anytime, so that's when you break out your Human Pizza costume, not on Halloween.

So if you dressed up like something like these two, fuck you. I hope your key for a dick gets caught in a bus door while you're waddling your drunk ass home and you get dragged about 100 feet or as long as it takes to scrape the retard out of you.

No comments: